MEXICOOOOOOO!!! I think that Zach covered a lot of the facts on Puerto Vallarta, but here are my two cents. Puerto Vallarta is one of the more popular tourist spots in Mexico. When we went there it was the peak of it’s internal tourist season. In June it’s mostly filled with tourists from other parts of Mexico. Puerto Vallarta also has some of the best tap water in Mexico. Zach and I drank it fine, although mostly we drank water from jugs at our hotel. Your mileage may vary.
Drinks were super cheap at the Oxxo. Cheap tequila and Fresca and you can’t go wrong. Having some drinks in your room is also nice for the heat of the day. Good for kicking it under the fan and waiting for the sun to chill out a bit. You can try to get ice, but for us it melted faster than we could even make a noticeable dent. We eventually just gave up on ice. It was so hot that the slightly cooler drink in our room was plenty cold.
We went out for beers almost every evening beachside at the Sea Monkey. Dollar beers (Corona and Pacifico) and a perfect view of the beach for sunset? Sign me up. They also had cheap, but good, Mai Thais, Sangria and margaritas ($2).
We spent a good portion of the trip wandering around the city, or at least the part that was around us. The Romantic District was beautiful (I know the joke is there, but restrain yourself; you’re better than that). We didn’t go up to the area around the resorts more than a couple of times, because it was expensive and far, but we did eat at Senor Frog’s. I liked it. A tad expensive, but where else can you get a yard of high end rum or tequila? I didn’t get one, but I did get a huge margarita with Don Julio. Delicious, and not that bad at around $15 or so.
A couple of my favorite stories from Mexico. The names in these stories have not been changed to preserve humor and embarrass the dicks in them, mostly me. Although I am not the best at remembering names in the best of times, let alone when I’ve been drinking. Let it be said that I am not rude with names; I forget my own mother’s/brother’s/father’s names, so if I ever forget yours please don’t take it personally. Alright, moving on.
Zach and I had decided to go down to the beach to kick it. We were setting up our towels and this American flagged us down and told us about a deal where you could rent a daypass at this hotel. It was 190 pesos (about $15), but you got an umbrella, a chair and you got 190 pesos in credit for the bar. Also it was happy hour. We had brought our own drinks (Tequila and Fresca for me and rum and Coke for Zach), but he seemed cool so we started chatting. Also it was happy hour so 2 for 1 well drinks. That made the rum and cokes about a dollar a piece. You might think that this potentially spells trouble, and you’d be right.
The guy was cool. He was from Nashville, and had sold his company in his 30s and was just traveling enjoying himself. We chatted about our upcoming trip across Asia. He gave us great advice that I mostly forgot because of the sun and the booze. I was chatting with him for a bit while Zach was swimming. We were trying to stock up on drinks before the end of happy hour, or I was. So quick aside, I’m not sure if anyone else has this problem, but I can’t tell if I’m getting drunk on the beach, or specifically if I’m in constant sun. I just don’t feel drunk. I don’t know what it is. I felt fine, but there was a fly buzzing around me and I yelled at it, “Fucking Asshole!” I was talking to the fly mind you, but a beach vendor was walking towards me and thought I was talking to him and walked off. I was also waving my hands like a madman trying to swat the fly, so he also probably thought I was crazy. I felt like a dick. I heard about this after the fact though, because I didn’t really notice. I talked Zach into going and grabbing another bottle of Rum. I said that I would go get it, but he said he would (good looking out man, I probably would have gotten lost). He came back a bit later, and I was working on the 2-3 drinks I had stockpiled from happy hour. We had a couple of drinks then we decided to leave, or I assume Zach did, that part is a tad hazy.
We were walking back from the beach, and going over the old rope bridges. I was staying to the right of the bridges to be nice, but I didn’t realize something. If you walk to the side of a rope bridge it will sway. Not a big deal, because most reasonable people would notice and stop. I did not. I thought it was just me being drunk. I am not a small man, so when I caused it to sway it swayed a lot. So I was walking down this bridge doing kind of a serpentine pattern trying to stay going straight while the bridge was swaying about 5-8 feet back and forth. These bridges were not empty either. Zach was having issues getting across. There is also actually a photo of me on one of these bridges attached to this post for perspective. Eventually someone actually stopped me and explained that you should stay in the middle. It was good advice, although a little late because this was at the end of the bridges.
You’d think that was the bit about me being an asshole, or that the beach was, and you’d be wrong. So we were walking up the street to our hotel. One thing to remember about Puerto Vallarta is that almost all of the streets and the sidewalks are old school cobblestone. It looks awesome, but is a bitch to walk on, especially in flip flops. I ended up jamming the shit out of my toe and almost eating it on the street. I legitimately thought I had broken my toe. I was super drunk at this point and didn’t realize it. I am also an abnormally loud person, just in terms of how much my voice carries (ask anyone that’s met me). I started swearing up a storm. I didn’t notice the fairly substantial crowd that had gathered around the loud, drunk, swearing gringo. This group of people that actually included cops. Zach asked if I was OK being a nice guy. The exchange kind of went like this.
“Are you OK?”
“GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!”
I thought he was just being a dick. I didn’t realize that he was trying to settle down the situation. Zach walked back to the hotel while I limped behind him swearing to myself. We got back and I passed out. I woke up a few hours later thankfully sober (ish). You sweat that stuff out pretty quick in that kind of heat and humidity.
Zach asked if I was OK, then told me that you never EVER draw that kind of attention in another country. I completely agree with him. I made a rule that day, that I encourage you to follow. No drinking booze on the beach in the sun, it will just get you in trouble.
Just beer and Sangria.